Midnight Ramble

I'm not writing anything new, anything exciting, or anything funny. I just have been thinking a lot lately, its midnight, and I can't sleep so I might as well write a blog finally! So here go my random thoughts! They probably won't be connected at all but I'm just going to flow with it!

The Christian life is tough. Duh, right? The whole rollercoaster analogy that is used overused...fits perfect. You have your highs, your lows, your upside down times, and the time when really nothing is going on. What I have found though, is no matter how "low" you may seem to feel or confused, Christ is still providing. I guess it is something I have always heard but it isn't until I began to think lately that I see it's true. Even when you don't feel like you are in the right spot, He is in control.

Lately I have felt like I am not doing enough. I love to witness, but I feel like I haven’t made it a priority like I use to. I think I have been getting so caught up in the doctrine of our faith and the miniscule tributes of it that I have forgotten the big picture: the world is going to Hell and I have the key to heaven. Yes, the foundation of Christianity is vital and knowing why we believe what we do is necessary, but not when it comes before our call as Christians. You can know everything about something but when you don't live the basic tendons, it means squat.

I have also felt that things in life just aren't going my way. Once again, duh. I'm a Christian living in a world that is against everything I believe and I'm against everything it does...we aren't always going to get along, and really we never should. I just have been so confused about God's plan for my life. What I think God wants seems to keep getting turned around. I am starting to notice though that when I think I am missing out on something He wants for me, I receive so much greater in return.

My example:

*Choir Tour: I cried for 3 months because I couldn't go due to my new softball team. I thought that was where I was "supposed" to be...church mission trip should obviously trump softball tournament, right? Wrong. Not for me anyways. This new softball team has been amazing. I was an inch away from quitting just going on tour, but I have more of a witness already on this team than I think I have ever had anywhere.

Starting FCA this year, I was challenged to pray with my high school team before every game. It was tough to start, but it became a part of every game. My mom asked me on the way to this summer team's practice if I would feel comfortable asking to pray before our games this summer. My response was immediately "no way!" I knew nothing about these girls, I barley talked, and they intimidated the crap out of me! So what happens the first game? The coach tells us to huddle up and asked me to pray, not even knowing a thing about me. So I now have the job of praying before every game. I guess since I refused to be a witness, He made me be one! It's pretty tight!

Later in the week we had a player pass out. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. She started to have a seizure, went into shock, and stopped breathing. She was playing first and I was playing second, so I unfortunately saw it all. They gave her CPR and tried to revive her while we waited for the ambulance. We were all freaking out of course, but without hesitation we all got together and they asked me to pray. Fortunately she is fine today; just keep her in your prayers. It is just amazing how God has literally laid a witness out perfectly for me on this team.

So anyways, if you have spent this much time reading this much of my first blog in 23 years, it would be great if you could spend just another minute saying a quick prayer for my witness on this team. I have one more week left with them. I leave tomorrow for NC and come back next Sunday. I feel that God wants to use me even farther with these girls I have grown so close to. Pray that I am in the right heart, have the opportunity, and have the guts to step up when I need to.

PS- I will be at church in two weeks finally! YAY! Just so you know, it is hard to be away from your home church for as many weeks as I have this summer. I miss it so much. I think we don't realize just how much it helps to be in His family every week. Make sure to soak it all up this Sunday and take it into your everyday walk.